| What I've learned from temper tantrums |
So, we've entered that stage of parenting -- the stage when our sweet little baby girl has turned into Miss Independence. Needless to say, it's made our days interesting, especially when we find ourselves trying to explain to a raging Emma why she can't do everything she sees us doing (like cutting vegetables or washing dishes in hot water!). As a fellow Ms. Independence, I value my little girl testing her limits and pushing her personal boundaries -- but I find myself getting frustrated as a mama in knowing how to respond to my little terror's girl's outbursts of anger at being told "no."
Of course I turned to my favorite pediatrician, Dr. Sears, for advice. What's interesting is that what I read in his section on temper tantrums is actually good advice for life in general.
When dealing with a toddler, he advises distinguishing between "big deals" and "small deals." Big deals you can't budge on, and are an automatic NO! Small deals are negotiable, according to the situation you're in. An example of a big deal would be when a child protests being put in a car seat. Car seats are a safety issue and are thus non-negotiable, so the kid will just have to get over it. A small deal would be allowing your year and a half old daughter watch the same episode of Blue's Clues over and over again (so much so that you've got half the dialogue memorized -- oy!).
More and more I'm realizing that not everything Emma wants to do is a big deal, which means I don't always have to go around telling her no all the time. She's in the process of becoming her own person, which means I have to start taking account of her feelings and likes/dislikes -- which means I will have to compromise, too.
The older (and thus wiser, ha!) I get, I'm starting to realize this principle is one I should use more often in my life. Who has the energy to make big deals out of everything? This isn't to say I'm an advocate for becoming a doormat, but I'm learning to prioritize the fewer "big deals" in my life, and learn to adjust and compromise with more "small deals."
One of the books on Buddhism I've read in the last few months emphasized that your children become your greatest spiritual teachers. It's true, at least in my case. |
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